The Vampires vs Doors Saga

You probably know the superpowers , cruelty, dramas and all the flying shit. But have stopped to think about what a vampire CAN’T do? And I’m not talking about the problems with immortality, romance, sunlight and keeping up with the decades dressing code: vampires can’t enter places without being invited.

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It’s funny that something apparently so silly kept intact during time within pop-culture and literature but it made me think and now that’s one of my best metaphors when I try to explain to someone that having a mental illness is not a choice and is definitely not as simple as that.

I was talking with one of the gazillion people that are sure they know what I should do to get better and it is always hard to explain social anxiety and agoraphobia. It doesn’t matter if you suffer with some mental health issue: the first step is always scary and only you know why or how much, and is hard to be taken seriously when talking about it as a problem, phobia or something like that. Sometimes I know that after I leave the house, things can go well but there’s the door first and the door is the freaking problem.

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I’ve tried during my whole life to just rush through scary choices just to please those around me but I’ve seen where this lead me. You can push a vampire through the door of a friend’s party but then he’ll probably have your head before you make your first move. So it’s not pretty. Since I don’t have the superpowers, all that’s left for my brain to do is launch a series of panic attacks, endless crying, trembling, stuttering… So it’s not pretty either and it’s not a case of logic but of chemical imbalance.

It may seem pretty silly that I won’t go outside right now but if I push myself too hard, I’m the one who will pay the price and yeah, it doesn’t make sense… if you don’t consider how hard must be for someone to want something so hard and don’t be able to grasp it. Yet.

Take it easy on yourself, mate!
Love,
N.B.

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